


ballad of a barely coping college student

by dyodyo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Slice of Life, Slow To Update, bullet journal, i haven't really planned this out, most of this is dialogue ngl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2018-11-05 06:37:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11008008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyodyo/pseuds/dyodyo
Summary: Kyungsoo is trying to adult when he really doesn't know what that means, but he has friends to guide him (or at the very least to fail with him).Oh, and he might not be a single pringle for long especially if Tall Boy is as confident as he looks.





	1. Tall Boy Chanyeol

**Author's Note:**

> When I say slow burn I mean slow af. It'll take me a while to get back into writing and I don't even know where I want to take this so that doesn't help.  
> This probably won't be as sad as it seems. Maybe.

Really, when Kyungsoo planned out his college life, every day of the year mapped out perfectly in his mind, he didn’t even consider a love life. He had already accepted that he would probably never be in a “goals worthy” relationship, as Baekhyun would say. He was perpetually a single pringle. Sure, people occasionally described him as handsome (heck, he described _himself_ as handsome) and there were a couple of people who had the audacity to call him cute but that didn't mean people were begging for him.

He couldn't ignore his own self-sabotage when it came to his love life. Kyungsoo hadn’t even tried to approach any of his crushes like Junmyeon, the cute (sugar daddy material) senior he had had heart eyes for the entirety of first semester his junior year. Having a crush on him was ridiculous in the first place when Junmyeon would be leaving for college in the city after that year.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), no bullet journal was a match against one Park Chanyeol, super hot and adorkable roommate of best friend Byun Baekhyun. He really shouldn’t have been surprised when his life was thrown off the metaphorical train tracks by those two.

The knocking at his dorm room door at 5 a.m. or rather, the continuous banging against it accompanied by Baekhyun’s yells of “Soo! Soo, I know you’re in there! Stop being boring and come out here!” was in short, annoying.

It was surprising how many thoughts were running through Kyungsoo’s head that early in the morning. His brain jumped from “I may be an overachiever but there is no way in hell I’m getting out of bed right now” to “I hope the howling wakes up Minseok so I won’t have to deal with it” and “I wonder if I could lure Baekhyun to his death by falling off the roof.”  
  
“Kyungsoo, _please_.” Jongdae's pained voice interrupted his train of thought. He opened his eyes enough to catch the blur of his roommate trying to run away from the noise by forming into a blanket burrito. Kyungsoo snorted at the ridiculous scene. Somehow, Baekhyun managed to make everyone go crazy.

He narrowly missed the opportunity to bang his head on the wood panels and concussion his way out of talking to his insane best friend. And yet despite all of his mental complaining, he opened the door and regretted his entire existence when he saw Baekhyun holding a black plastic bag with an obnoxious smirk that Kyungsoo wanted to chokehold off his face, standing next to a red-headed giant, the latter with a giant dopey smile on his face.  
  
“What do you want Byun?”  
  
“Why, Soo! What’s the harsh tone for? I haven’t done anything improper yet.” Oh how Kyungsoo wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off his face.  
  
“I should be sleeping right now, dumbass. You should be sleeping - not terrorizing the whole residence hall.”  
  
“Watch out Soo, your roots are showing,” Baekhyun smirk turned into a soft smile. He lifted the bag and shook it lightly. “I got bleach, red, and black. Take your pick.”  
  
He resisted the urge to harm Baekhyun. He also resisted the urge to hug him. He settled for rolling his eyes and being slightly grateful for the dumbass.

*  
  
As they trek across the campus towards the only coffee shop that’s open at the ridiculous hour, Kyungsoo observed the newcomer.

He was tall, almost abnormally so compared to all of Kyungsoo’s other friends. Except maybe Sehunnie. His hair was almost as red as a firetruck, and Kyungsoo wouldn’t be surprised if that was Baekhyun’s doing. And of course anyone associated with Baekhyun had to be cute, thought Kyungsoo, catching the tall boy ruffle his fluffy hair with a sweater paw.  
  
So, tall and unique and cute. Can anyone say triple whammy? Kyungsoo was never good at daydreaming about waking up next to cute people like Tall Boy. Especially when they have such an amazing smile.  
  
“That’s it. I’m jumping off the roof first thing tomorrow,” he thought. “I can’t give Baekhyun the satisfaction of watching me crush over another person. I have to end my life to avoid it at all costs.”

If only Baekhyun, the little shit, hadn't seen Kyungsoo eyeing Tall Boy. He could have gone without the sly smile and "encouraging" thumbs up. He sometimes wonders why he decided to stick to Baekhyun after that first six weeks of being chemistry partners all those years ago. (Baekhyun likes to say it’s because Kyungsoo fell madly in love with him. Kyungsoo likes to kick him in the shin and smile innocently at whomever Baekhyun was saying dumbass things to and explain that Baekhyun would end up dead without him. He had stayed out of the goodness of his heart.)  
  
“How could I forget? Chanyeol meet Kyungsoo, resident cutie serial killer. Kyungsoo, this is Chanyeol, musical genius.” Baekhyun cheerfully shouted into the quiet morning.

"Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo!" smiled Chanyeol and Kyungsoo really shouldn't have been so surprised by Chanyeol's smile and  _dimple_. But he was, still _is_ , and the worst of it was that Kyungsoo smiled back. Ice Penguin Prince  _smiled back_ and this detail made Byun Baekhyun very happy.

Happy as in laughing hysterically when the scene unfolded before him. Laughing when Chanyeol's eyes widened. Laughing when Kyungsoo kicked his dumbass ass to the ground. Laughing when Kyungsoo goes for another kick but stopped to listen to him when his stupid loud mouth opened again.  
  
“B-but, Soo, his face! His face when you smiled! I-I,” stuttered Baekhyun, trying to collect himself. It failed when he caught a glimpse of Chanyeol’s beet red face.

He pays for his criminal action by paying for three coffees and one blueberry muffin. Kyungsoo smugly ate the $1.25 muffin.

Then, Baekhyun began to share as many facts about Kyungsoo as he possibly could in the span of 25 seconds, slipping in a “Kyungsoo likes dick."

Kyungsoo swiftly nailed him in the shin and corrected him with a, “I like pans, dumbass.”

At which Baekhyun quickly picked the conversation back up again with the story of how they became "Best Friends Forever and Ever Until Kyungsoo Murders Me in My Sleep, Probably."  
  
Unfortunately the secret gay affair, or Kyungsoo's discrete ogling session of Tall Boy Chanyeol, didn’t last long since said object of ogling had to meet with a fellow music major to work on a project.  
  
“I'm really sorry for having to leave you guys hanging. We usually don't plan these things so early but Yixing went on and on about early morning being the best time to write a ballad, something about having to channel the energy of longing...” He ducked out of the booth, slipping the strap of his leather courier bag over his shoulder. Chanyeol only halted after he was at the door with his hand hovering over the push handle.

Kyungsoo heard the barista muffle a laugh at Chanyeol's awkward waddle back to their booth with flushed cheeks and ears.  
  
“It was really nice meeting you, Kyungsoo. I hope we can hang out again!” His deep voice wavered briefly before he pushed on with a flirty smile, “You should sing for me sometime.”  
  
Then he power walked right out of the coffee shop, leaving him with an amused Baekhyun and a fluttering feeling in his belly.  
  
“What just happened?”

Oddly enough, Baekhyun's annoying self didn't make the butterflies go away. He really hadn't planned for his year to go this way, but maybe cute Tall Boy Chanyeol would make the ride more bearable.


	2. casa de baekyeol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kyungsoo loves nap time with baekhyun. he hopes that sehun chokes and dies. also, fun times at baekyeol dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -i've had this written out for a while.  
> -the editing is what stabbed me, killed me, resurrected me from the dead, and killed me again. but alas, i am here, blessing you with this exo trash fic chapter.  
> -7/2/17 edit: i changed baekhyun's nickname from baekkie to hyunnie bc i read up on korean nicknames
> 
> warnings: mention of anxiety/depression (tiny bit), mention of recreational drug use  
> -please me know if i missed anything!

“Hey,” the breathy whisper sounded loud in the quiet dorm room. Keys clashed against keychains as the person clumsily dropped them to the floor. “Oh, shit, sorry.”

Kyungsoo lazily opened his eyes and squinted over Baekhyun’s shoulder. Tall, check; firetruck red hair, check; cute even when blurry as hell, check. Yup, definitely Park Chanyeol.

“Do you like Soo’s hair? I did it myself, ya know. I figured he’d look good with black hair again.” said Baekhyun proudly as he trailed his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair at the cost of a light jab to his ribs.

“Y-yeah, i-it looks good. It looks really good.” Kyungsoo heard Chanyeol shuffling his feet before settling onto his Rilakkuma themed bed.

Baekhyun giggled, “Maybe you have a chance at getting yourself a boyfriend who can reach the top shelf for you.”

“I will end you, Byun.”

“You love meeee.” Baekhyun’s thin arms tightened around Kyungsoo as if he were going to push him away. He should have been kinder those times he had pinched Baekhyun’s side for hugging him without warning.

They all needed affection at some point, others being more touched starve than the regular person. All the Baekhyuns in the world needed their Kyungsoos to temper their jittery hands, arms, legs, feet, bodies, nerves, _minds_. Less (or more) importantly, the Kyungsoos in the world needed their Baekhyuns to soothe their own minds, the jumbling mess of thoughts that almost never ended. The comforting warmth from Baekhyun slowed down the thoughts that kept him awake at night; these thoughts typically leading to a staring competition with the ceiling, Kyungsoo wondering when the quiet would end, hoping that the suffocating silence would be cut off by his roommate Jongdae’s loud yawn and popping bones and joints.

So, he allowed Baekhyun’s warmth to surround him; he allowed for himself to feel safe under the roommates’ quiet conversation. The thoughts screaming out to him were placed under a temporary pause under Kyungsoo’s guise of listening to what was going on around him.

He let the drowsing warmth cover his sense like fresh snow on the ground, muting the bright colors of everything around him. Their quiet conversation became the soundtrack to Kyungsoo’s dreams.

(He thought for a second, “ _What if I add a ‘Touch Tracker’ into my bujo?_ ” He laughed in his mind.)

* 

“Kyungsoo, baby Soo, wake up,” his neck prickled at the proximity of the whisper. “Come on, it’s time to carry on with your boring ol’ life.”

“Shut up, Hyunnie.” He murmured into his best friend’s shoulder. A hand snaked up to his hair, skimming the shaved sides and the short top. Thin fingers stroked his fluffy hair, stopping every few seconds to scritch-scratch his scalp. His back tingled pleasantly from the attention. Maybe Kyungsoo was touch starved. Or attention starved, but that seemed more up Baekhyun’s alley.

He imagined what the world would be like if he spent the day safely cuddled in Baekhyun’s arms with no responsibilities to worry about. Kyungsoo imagined it would be like high school again when they spent hours doing nothing important like playing video games or watching SNSD dance their hearts out with Baekhyun screeching along.

The niggle in his heart was hard to ignore. Nostalgia was only good to hurt Kyungsoo. It hurt him to think that life would never be the same to how it was before. Before, when Baekhyun was the goofy and happy guy that no one would ever think of hurting, when the world wasn’t fighting to hold them back from reaching their dreams, and when it wasn’t trying to kill them with dark days or days they can’t even get out of their beds because they’re too afraid to talk to anyone.

It almost felt like one of those days, the days when all Kyungsoo can do is make sure that he eats enough to fill his stomach and have a glass of water next to him, just in case he wakes up thirsty in a couple of hours or the next morning.

He took a deep breath.

“What time is it?” He stood as still as a statue when Baekhyun’s hands stopped moving.

“It’s 10 a.m. You got somewhere to be?” Baekhyun’s voice still sounded soft.

“ _If only he could share it with someone other than me._ ” Kyungsoo thought, his heart aching for his best friend.

A weirdly long finger poked his forehead. “Stop thinking and answer my question, Soo.”

Kyungsoo snuffled with fake-annoyance. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” His fist clenched around the purple shirt Baekhyun deemed suitable for early morning adventures. It was the same shirt Kyungsoo had given him for his birthday two years ago. It was still soft.

“Then what are you waiting for, baby Soo?” Baekhyun kissed his forehead and hugged him tighter.

There was time. Time time time time time time. He waited for his heart to slow down and for his lungs to take in oxygen like they were meant to. There was no point in getting worked up over it. He planned his assignments out so he would have time to spare, and he _always_ had time to spare.

“Will you come to the library with me? I have to start my research paper for my film class. I was thinking about doing something about Citizen Kane, the shadow work and transitions but I need books on the history and the progression of film.” Kyungsoo trailed off, tapping his fingers on Baekhyun’s wrist.

“Yeah, ‘course. As long as you get me some food afterwards.”

(Now he could cross two things off his To Do list. The first being “film books” and the second being “spend time with Hyunnie <3”.)

*

When Baekhyun practically screamed in his ear after spotting a hot guy a couple of tables away, Kyungsoo questioned his own sanity.

“Do you even know what an indoor voice is?” he asked, irritation slipping into his question.

Baekhyun frowned playfully at him. “You mean this isn’t an indoor voice? Oh my god, I’ve been doing it wrong this entire time. You should’ve told me sooner, Kyungsoo! I could’ve embarrassed myself in front of so many hot people.”

“Go suck a di-Oh Sehun, good morning. What brings you to the library?” Kyungsoo would have smiled politely, but he didn’t think it possible for himself.

“I need help with my math homework because Jongin won’t give me his notes. After he promised he would.” The blond stopped briefly, then added a disheartened, “Bbuing bbuing.”

Baekhyun cackled.

“Please stop embarrassing yourself.” Kyungsoo said whilst staring the younger man down from behind his glasses.

The younger shrugged and slurped his bubble tea.

“How did you get past the librarian with that drink? It feels like he’s staring into my soul or communicating with God just to tell him how shit I am. I mean, he’s not wrong, I’m a sinner, but I don’t need anyone else to tell me.” Baekhyun pouted up at Sehun. He seemed offended that the rule abiding librarian didn’t let just anyone break the rules.

“He’s in my dance class.” _Slurp._ “I’m pretty sure he’s on weed half of the time he’s awake.”

“Oh my god.”

(Baekhyun whispered conspiratorially, “Can you hook me up with his guy?”)

(Kyungsoo smacked the back of his head. Puppy Baekhyun needed discipline.)

And so, Kyungsoo was forced to suffer until he managed to call and _convince_ Jongin, his “favorite and most talented dongsaeng,” that his “delicious, homemade kimchi spaghetti” was way better than getting back at Sehun for flirting “with some rich as fuck - _hyung, he’s so rich he could buy Sehun all the Louis Vuitton shit in the worrrrrrrrld_ ” senior.

“You owe me, punk.”

Sehun obnoxiously sipped from his bubble tea before replying, “Whatever, hyung.”

“Ungrateful soggy cheeto.” He grabbed Sehun’s textbook and began searching for the correct math lesson. This happened almost every week, so Kyungsoo could probably guess which lesson they were on at this point.

Meanwhile, Sehun eyed him through the process almost like he had a secret to share. He chewed on his straw in what looked like contemplation. Kyungsoo wanted to roll his eyes, but it wasn’t worth the energy.

“Hyung, I wasn’t flirting.”

Kyungsoo hummed back as he scanned the page.

“I was talking to an old friend,” Sehun paused to see no reaction from the shorter, “Junmyeon hyung is still really nice. He bought me this,” he gestured toward his drink.

If Kyungsoo weren’t in shock he would’ve wished Sehun had choked and died on the tapioca balls he loved so much.

“Jun..Junmyeon?”

“Yeah, he’s hot and single.”

Kyungsoo choked on air and saliva.

Sehun spared him a brief concerned look, but continued nonetheless, “I’m pretty sure half the campus has a crush on him. He’s a handsome guy so I’m not sur-”

“ _Sehun_.” Baekhyun glared pointedly at him.

Silence filled the conversation gap, the wrong kind - thick, stifling, uncomfortable.

“I-uh,” Kyungsoo’s voice cracked, a sign of stress. He cleared his throat, hoping neither of his friends would mention it. “I found the lesson. Let’s start, yeah?”

And thus, the torturous math lesson began, peaked, and ended with Baekhyun kicking Sehun not-so discretely under the table and Sehun retaliating with his own classic and immature sticking-the-tongue-out move. Kyungsoo could only breathe freely once he had returned where his day had started:

“Casa de BaekYeol!” Baekhyun’s arms were thrown haphazardly in the air, aiming for anything and anyone that would get in his path.

Kyungsoo stared at the sign hanging on the door with horribly drawn dogs (corgis and beagles) and Rilakkuma waving with a speech bubble floating above its head saying, “Welcome to FunTown!” on it. He turned back to Baekhyun, examining his friend’s face for any hidden clues.

“Is this a joke?”

“Nope. This is furreal stuff, Do Kyungsoo. You better believe that once you step through this door there will only be fun times.”

“Where do you do your assignments?”

“Outside of this room, hahaha!” Baekhyun hurriedly stepped forward to unlock the door before Kyungsoo could ask any more questions that would ruin the magic of FunTown. He was a destroyer of magic and fun times.

He opened the door and stepped in swiftly, “Yeollie, we’re home! Did you have fun jerking it while I was gone?” Baekhyun casually stepped over a pile of trash. How had Kyungsoo missed _this_?

“This is _far_ from being a house.”

“But it is home.” Baekhyun smiled cheerfully at Kyungsoo as if he hadn’t said the nacho cheesiest thing in the world.

Kyungsoo snorted in fake disgust but not before sending Baekhyun a quick smile. The loudmouth was content with throwing paper airplanes at his roommate and leaving trash everywhere. This was enough for Kyungsoo not to lecture and put him to work.

A happy, dirty Baekhyun was better than a pretending and filthy Baekhyun. Kyungsoo could tell he was the happiest he had been in a very long time.

“AWWW!” The long lump on Chanyeol’s bed shifted slightly as Chanyeol attempted to find a way to dig his way out of the covers. “That is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Byun.”

“Whatever, Dumbo.”

“Aaaand there he is,” Kyungsoo muttered, once again eyeing the trash next to the doorway as if it would suddenly jump out at him. He was startled out of his disgust when Chanyeol laughed loudly. He met the music major’s eyes. Dark brown eyes, so so pretty and so so staring at him.

Kyungsoo felt his face warm up. He couldn’t handle anyone even _looking_ at him, let alone a cute guy.

“Oh my god, stop staring at each other. It’s so weird. I’m friends with a bunch of weirdo losers who don’t have the guts to bone each other.”

“Do you want to die, asshole?” Kyungsoo cracked his knuckles.

“Now, Soo, we don’t have to take any drastic measures. It was just a joke, no harm done. Look at Chanyeol, he’s doing just fine over there on his bed that you guys can totally use to bone each other when you’re readyyy!” Baekhyun’s hands quivered as Kyungsoo approached him slowly with his fist in the air, ready to strike him down. “Please, please, don’t hurt me. I’ll be your slave! I’ll do anything you want, whenever you want! Please don’t hurt me. I still haven’t recovered from the last time! _Have mercy!_ ”

Baekhyun shut his eyes and turned his head away once Kyungsoo’s shadow was upon him like the grim reaper he was, coming to take his soul away to hell.

“Give me your phone.”

“Plea-wait what?”

“Your phone. Now.”

Shaky hands passed over the cracked iPhone. “The passcode is-”

“I know what it is, dumbass.”

“Oh.” Gulp. An imploring tone. “Soo...what...what’re you going to do?”

“I’m posting _the_ picture on your instagram.”

Baekhyun gasped in horror, “You promised you would never upload that picture! You _promised._ ”

“I said that I wouldn’t post it as long as you didn’t annoy me.” Kyungsoo’s fingers continued to tap on the phone. “You could have deleted it off your phone, Dumbhyun.”

Baekhyun slipped down to the floor, face pressed up against the dirty wood panels. He released an unnatural groan of despair.

He was probably lamenting his ruined reputation.

Kyungsoo dropped Baekhyun’s phone next to his face, the dreadful post open for him to gaze at with sad puppy eyes. The picture was of him with a wig on, posing as Baekhee. The caption read: “ _Baekhee~!”_

“You know what? This picture isn’t that bad. I look really hot as a girl, I would definitely date myself, 10 outta 10 would recommend.”

Kyungsoo didn’t respond. He was busy scouring the mini fridge and Baekhyun’s desk for food appropriate for a movie. The two had agreed that they would stay in for the night, pig out, and watch whatever movies would make them cry. The first to cry would have to dance the “I Got a Boy” choreography in front of Sehun and Jongin and Minseok hyung.

Kyungsoo didn’t aim to lose. He aimed to demolish Baekhyun and record him during the embarrassing moments of his sad, sad life.

But...the thought of Baekhyun suffering didn’t account for the small smile on Kyungsoo’s face. The few seconds of having Baekhyun’s phone were certainly interesting though.

*

 **yeollie:** baekhyunnnnnn hes so cute wtf y didnt u tell me ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ  
 **hyunnie** : lolololol u should’ve seen ur face  
**yeollie** : dont laugh at me im cryingg  
**yeollie** : i hate u so much rn  
 **hyunnie** : ur so gay ?? im gunna tell everyone we kno that ur gay for ksoo  
**yeollie** : are any of ur friends straight??????????????  
**yeollie** : im pretty sure this is cyberbullying btw  
 **hyunnie** : omg i have plenty of straight friends  
 **hyunnie** : i’m trying to collect the whole spectrum  
 **hyunnie** : jongdae is happy for u bitchhh  
**yeollie** : tell jongdae to suck a dick  
 **hyunnie** : should i ask him if he wants to suck my dick cuz he’s super cute js  
**yeollie** : gross. but yes u should  
 **hyunnie** : Thanks, Chanyeol. Hearteu ~ DKS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -pcy and bbh will spam your phone w/no regrets  
> -they definitely sat down one day and decided to have matching usernames  
> -"hyunnie and yeollie bc they match and its cute as fuckkk" - bbh  
> -please let me know if there are any errors that i should fix (i edited this by myself and it was hell)  
> -unrelated: does anyone know how to make friends????  
> -THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR THE SUPPORT ON THE 1ST CHAPTER IM SO GRATEFUL <3333333


	3. dks: please fall in love with me, hyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks galore! Kyungsoo thinks about his friendship with Baekhyun and his past crush on Junmyeon. What he thought was history turned out to be current events when Junmyeon-hyung walks right back into his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I've been working super hard on this chapter, so I hope all you readers enjoy it. A couple of notes:  
> \- Baekhyun's nickname is now Hyunnie because now I know more about Korean nicknames  
> \- i'm trying to incorporate more SK culture, so please let me know of any inaccuracies/mistakes

Kyungsoo stared up at the boring white dorm room ceiling. He couldn't move an inch with Jongdae’s octopus arms and legs pinning him down as he slept soundly. It seemed like a good idea at the time to cuddle with Jongdae, but Kyungsoo failed to remember that his roommate reaped his energy from touching people, mostly sexually.

If only wiping his memory permanently of all the times he had heard of Jongdae’s steamy sexcapades were an option. Sometimes he regretted taking up Jongdae’s offer to be roommates. It was either Jongdae or Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo had seen the way Baekhyun lived. He wasn’t about to add another bad life decision onto the already large pile.

His thoughts shifted to Baekhyun and their many shared life choices. “Their” because Kyungsoo and Baekhyun were BFFLs, Baekhyun’s words, not his.

As Baekhyun’s best friend, Kyungsoo secretly prided himself in knowing everything about him. He knew that Baekhyun was basically a music prodigy. Baekhyun could play the piano and sing at the _same_ time. Kyungsoo also grudgingly accepted that Baekhyun could sing like an angel despite having the personality of a demon wreaking havoc on the innocent and morally weak. He also knew from first hand experience that Byun Baekhyun was a dumb puppy who loved to talk too much, meddle in other people’s love lives, and play video games.

Baekhyun was a shining star before their junior year of high school. It seemed like everything that had been Baekhyun just...dimmed. His passion, his energy, his emotions, everything grew dull. There was no real inspirational Ted Talks story behind why it happened. Even though Kyungsoo didn’t have to kick anyone’s ass for hurting Baekhyun, the fact that he was upset didn’t soothe Kyungsoo’s worries.

_“Why are you staring at me like that? Your eyes look even bigger than they usually are.” Baekhyun briefly took his eyes off his computer screen to look at Kyungsoo. “How is that even possible?”_

_“All the better to see you with, my dear,” he retorted in a low voice._

_“Are you trying to seduce me? I thought we were past this point in our relationship.”_

_Kyungsoo briefly thought about smashing Baekhyun’s stupid face into his stupid click-clacky keyboard. “You’re ugly.”_

_“Do you really think so?” His face drooped and his incessant mouse clicking slowed down._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing. I’m fine! See!” Baekhyun smiled widely. It made him look crazy. Maybe he was crazy. Kyungsoo wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case._

_“You can tell me anything.”_

_“Life makes me want to cry. I don’t know why, but everything seems...not as good as before.” He scrubbed the side of his face and sighed. His eyes were glazed over. Kyungsoo recognized this face._

_He reached over and punched Baekhyun’s head gently._

_“I’m here.” Don’t get lost in your thoughts, he meant._

_Okay, I won't, Baekhyun conveyed with his ridiculous rectangle smile._

Except life isn't that easy. It isn't as easy as saying, “I'm going to be happy every day of my life!” It was a terrifying roller coaster that made Kyungsoo sob for his mother and cling to Baekhyun as if he were a lifesaver, in a super manly way of course. The metaphorical life rollercoaster dove down abruptly without any signals and sent him and Baekhyun in wild loops. In spite of his blank face, Kyungsoo was constantly screaming on the inside.

Their junior year was when their shitstorm of a life met a fan and joined together in holy matrimony to make their lives even shittier. Or maybe that's just Kyungsoo being a dramatic bitch.

Baekhyun would be proud if he could hear Kyungsoo’s inner dialogue.

And so, Kyungsoo became a pining fool for Junmyeon-hyung, the devilishly sexy and handsome senior. Unfortunately, he was too nervous to attract any kind of attention to himself. There were a number of times that he had made Junmyeon lunch, but ended up giving it to Baekhyun. On numerous occasions he had thought about creating and running the Kim Junmyeon fan club, but that would draw too many eyes to Kyungsoo. The fact that there wasn't already a fan club was blasphemous, and he had told Baekhyun so. Baekhyun proceeded to call him a freak and told him that he needed to “Get some ’Myeon daddy dick.”

Baekhyun paid dearly for that piece of “advice.”

While Kyungsoo had been dealing with his internal boy problems, Baekhyun’s life car, yes another fucking metaphor because Kyungsoo will always be a slut for literature, sped by at 100 miles per hour and swerved off the Happy Days Bridge at the last second into Depression Pond where Sadness Falls pounded down on the life car with Baekhyun still in it.

He blinked at the sudden influx of the more dramatic than usual thoughts. He might need a therapist after he was done contemplating where his life went wrong _and_ had enough time “processing his teaspoon level feelings,” as Baekhyun liked to say.

Ironically, it was Baekhyun who had teaspoon level feelings their junior year, through no fault of his own. His brain was dumb sometimes, leading him into questioning all of his life and feeling unbearably sad for periods of time before feeling nothing and back to be being sad again.

In short, life sucked for the both of them at the time and maybe, just maybe, Kyungsoo got a little too obsessive over Junmyeon-hyung without realizing the extent of it. If he had figured it out sooner, he could have prevented two disastrous incidents from occurring. He would have noticed that he was being a dumbass sooner if he hadn’t accidentally waddled into Super Dumbass territory while stal- _observing_ Junmyeon-hyung on a daily basis.

Life turned from shittier to shittiest when Kyungsoo skipped lunch so he could stal- _observe_ his crush in his natural habitat: a Student Council meeting.

Kyungsoo shifted uncomfortably both at his younger self’s behavior and at Jongdae’s drool puddle. It was gaining in size, threatening to cover him in gross Jongdae cooties. There was no hope left, he might as well let the drool seize his pillow real estate. Kyungsoo was already in deep shit as it was with his Junmyeon themed thoughts and, really, his Junmyeon themed life.

His hyung was a king surrounded by peasants; a kind king for befriending the lowly people at their school. He was intelligent, well liked, polite and kind, and Kyungsoo was lucky enough to be in his presence for Student Council meetings when he became president of his class. Kyungsoo neither confirmed nor denied that he made a deal with the devil for that seat. He could confirm, though, that he was a True Dumbass™ for not skipping the stupid meeting about appropriate _socks_ according to the uniform code _for fuck’s sake_ , to answer Baekhyun’s millions of texts and missed phone calls.

He cursed Junmyeon-hyung’s name that day (and afterwards, apologized profusely in his mind) and the people who made him class president.

**_[Calling hyunniebyunnie]_ **

_“Why did you blow up my phone? It distracted me from the Student Council meeting, Hyunnie.”_

_“Oh, shut up!” snapped Baekhyun. “We both know you were staring at hyung the entire time.”_

_“No, I wasn't.” Smart comeback, Kyungsoo. “Well?”_

_“You want to know why I was blowing up your phone? Do you even care, Do?”_

_“What the fuck? What crawled up your ass and died?”_

_Something soft ruffled against Baekhyun’s phone, and was followed by a pitiful sniffle._

_“My girlfriend dumped me in front of the whole school, you piece of shit. I cried in front of everyone. Everyone. I'm so fucking embarrassed and I thought...I thought that my best friend should at least be here to, I don't know, offer some support, but he was too busy staring at a guy he'll never have the guts to talk to!”_

_“You don't know that. Just because I don’t flirt with everything that moves, doesn’t mean I won’t ever talk to him.” Kyungsoo held his breath and quickly added, “You don't know anything, Baekhyun.”_

_“Do Kyungsoo, you're a shit best friend. I hope you run into a stop sign while following your precious Junmyeon around.”_

Being the hardass that he was, past-Kyungsoo carelessly tossed his Baekhyun to the side, instead choosing to moon over Kim Junmyeon. It was almost like a drama except neither of them were girls nor straight.

The next incident directly correlated to their falling out. Without Baekhyun present to talk Kyungsoo out of anything stupid and impulsive, since he always spoke to Baekhyun before any planned interactions with his crush, he agreed to plan the school festival. Therefore, spending multiple hours a week actually _talking_ to the Kim Junmyeon.

Needless to say, he was an emotional wreck or as much as he could be with an emotional range of a teaspoon. His palms were constantly sweaty and he was pretty sure his heartbeat was not supposed to be going _that fast_ for any reason.

Kyungsoo was a mess back then. He spent three weeks crashing into his hyung, apologizing and bowing almost every breath, having awkward silences, and locking eyes with him at the most inopportune moments. He was sure that Junmyeon-hyung thought he was some weird, awkward kid with owl eyes. It made Kyungsoo want to die in a ditch.

In a bad way.

Other things that made Kyungsoo want to die in a ditch, good or bad, include the following: seeing hot boys, seeing hot girls, being friends with Baekhyun, helping Jongin with his homework, watching Jongin dance, watching Sehun dance, and sweating.

By the end of the fourth, and last, week of festival planning, Kyungsoo had another thing to add to the list of things that made him want to die in a ditch.

_“Oh my god.”_

_Junmyeon’s head jerked back in surprise, banging it on the window he was pushed up against. “Ouch, fuck.”_

_Junmyeon-hyung was getting his dick sucked. At school. Where anyone could walk in at any time._

_Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. “I-um, yeah. Okay, I’ll ho-I mean, go. I’m just gonna.” He took several steps back._

_“Wait, oh god!” He broke off in a moan. Apparently, his partner hadn’t gotten the memo to stop gagging on his dick. Or, they simply didn’t give a shit that someone had walked in on them._

_Kyungsoo spun on his heel, tears burning in his eyes. There he goes, wanting to die in a ditch again. He would also take banging his head against a wall or being pushed down the stairs. Before carrying out his memory loss (and eventual death), he had to guarantee that he wouldn’t have to meet with Junmyeon anytime soon._

_Taking a sharp turn around the corner, he stopped in front of Junmyeon’s homeroom classroom and peered through the small window._

_“No one,” he breathed out. He opened the door and beelined to Junmyeon’s locker. Kyungsoo rummaged through his backpack for sticky notes and a pen to write a short note to him explaining that their plans were complete and there was no need to interact ever again. Except in nicer words that didn’t make it sound like Kyungsoo had just seen his dick being sucked._

_The plain black binder was left on top of Junmyeon’s bright yellow locker which was covered with sticky notes from other students. Kyungsoo felt a pang at the cute bunny doodle somebody had pasted on the locker._

_He sincerely hoped he would never have to face his hyung ever again._

_Then, Kyungsoo skipped the rest of his classes and walked his sorry ass home._

The worst of it was that he had no one to cry with; Jongin and Sehun were sucking face like always, and Baekhyun was...Baekhyun was...Baekhyun was mad at him for being an honest to god, dumbass shitty little pile of chicken shit _._

The memory of that day was so clear in Kyungsoo’s mind. He had been angry at himself for allowing their silence to go on for a whole month. Their longest record of not talking to each other was 4 days and 2 hours. Kyungsoo was _still_ angry at Baekhyun for selling his Prince of Tennis box set one.

He had to give his old self some credit. Although he stalled until 5:02 p.m., when he knew perfectly well that Baekhyun always skipped self-study at school because he was a memorizing genius, Kyungsoo eventually initiated the conversation.

 **Princeofhell:** Hi.  
**corgiluver92** : what  
**Princeofhell** : Hey.  
**corgiluver92** : I’m annoyed w u rn dks  
**corgiluver92** : *Do Kyungsoo!!  
**Princeofhell** : i’m sorry  
**corgiluver92** : ur wot m8  
**Princeofhell** : stop being weird  
**Princeofhell** : dumbass  
**corgiluver92** : i’m hurt  
**corgiluver92** : u hurt me  
**Princeofhell** : I’ll buy you sausage.  
**corgiluver92** : buy me the most expensive n ill forgive u ^^  
**Princeofhell** : all of my money...ㅠ.ㅠ  
**corgiluver92** : u won’t regret it kyungsoo-yah~  
**corgiluver92** : bffls 4 life  
**Princeofhell** : i’m starting to regret it already  
**Princeofhell** : ice cream?  
**corgiluver92** : nah  
**Princeofhell** : ?  
**corgiluver92** : if i eat more ice cream i’ll get fat  
**Princeofhell** : Are you okay?  
**corgiluver92** : yeh im good  
**Princeofhell** : I know you’re lying.  
**Princeofhell** : I will not hesitate to kick your ass.  
**corgiluver92** : soo!!  
**corgiluver92** : im feeling a little under the weather is all!! Nothing to worry about kyungsoo-yah!!  
**Princeofhell** : hyunnie you know i love you right? 

**_[call from hyunniebyunnie]_ **

_“Soo.”_

_“Are you...crying?”_

_“Shit month.”_

_“Me too.”_

_“Are you okay? I care about you, ya know? I know I’ve been...distracted lately.” Kyungsoo chose not to comment at the scoff. “But I am sorry.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I love you, Baekhyun.”_

_It felt like eons before Baekhyun responded._

_“Really?”_

_“You’re my best friend.”_

_“I was alone for so long. I didn’t think..I thought,” Baekhyun sighed. “I didn’t know.”_

_“Let’s have a sleepover.”_

_“You hate sleepovers."_

_“If you come over, we’ll watch Disney movies.”_

_“Even Frozen?”_

_“Mm.” He was willing to make sacrifices._

_“Okay.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Will you...stay on the phone? Until I get to your house?”_

_“How else will I make sure you’re not kidnapped? I’ve trained you too well for you to be taken away.”_

_Baekhyun huffed out a laugh. “Whatever, you love me.”_

They ditched their plans of movie watching and spent the night updating each other on their lives.

_“It could have been worse. You could have spilled hot soup on yourself. You could have projectile vomited on him. You could have chopped his head off with a guillotine!”_

_“None of those scenarios make sense.”_

_“You don’t make sense.”_

Kyungsoo was broken out of his thoughts by Jongdae’s cold feet digging into his shins. Why did he think cuddling with no pants on was a smart idea with Jongdae around?

His stomach growled. He poked Jongdae’s shoulder harshly, “Wake up. I’m hungry.”

Jongdae mumbled incoherently and swatted at the finger pressing into his ribs. Kyungsoo dug his nails in until Jongdae yelped into his ear. “Why are you doing this to me, Kyungsoo-yah?”

“I’m hungry.”

“What do you want?”

“Spaghetti.”

“Ouch, shit-fuck. Fine, goddammit that hurts."

 

The restaurant Jongdae chose was a quaint place with only candle lighting. Jongdae said it was for a more romantic vibe. When Kyungsoo tripped over a chair leg, he began to question the safety of the whole establishment. He also wasn’t quite sure how bumping into tables and not being able to see the menu was romantic in any way.

“I don’t get it.”

“It’s because you’re not in love! You’re a sad old man inside of a squishy young body.” proclaimed Jongdae while enthusiastically pulling Kyungsoo into a hug.

“Stop saying such useless things.” He used his elbows to fight off Jongdae’s over affectionate touching.

Jongdae rolled his eyes and redirected his attention towards the petite waitress, who stopped at their table. Her face immediately flushed from one look at his face. Too bad Jongdae liked Kyungsoo’s loudmouth puppy.

_Ting ting ting~!_

Kyungsoo’s gaze turned to the entrance door as someone waltzed their way into the restaurant. One look at the person and Sehun’s words rang loudly in his mind. “He’s hot and single.” 

He pushed away his logical side. He had time to worry and regret later, but now was not the time. Kyungsoo’s eyes roamed over Junmyeon’s figure. He looked handsome, Kyungsoo noted, in his plain blue jeans and yellow t-shirt. He held his gold framed sunglasses in his hand, leisurely spinning one of the hinges between his thumb and index finger.

“Oh wow. I didn’t know your eyes got that big. I thought an owl was your ultimate form, but I guess it’s actually a tarsier!” Jongdae laughed giddily.

“What the fuck is a tarsier?”

“I don’t care enough to tell you. What I do want to know is why your eyes got big, hm?”

“Fuck off.”

“Tell me, Soo-yah. Tell sweet Jongdae-hyungie your problems,” he smiled that deceivingly innocent smile. It was a trap like a spider and its web. Kyungsoo had seen people walk right into it completely unaware that they had become Jongdae’s new source of entertainment. Kyungsoo vowed never to fall into that same trap, especially after witnessing The Great Soccer Incident involving Minseok and his boyfriend.

He kept his silence.

“You know what would be highly inconvenient? Accidentally leaving the key to our room in Baekhyun’s possession.”

He had no other choice. It was either Jongdae or Baekhyun.

“It’s him.”

“Whom?”

“Kim Junmyeon."

“ _The_ Kim Junmyeon?” Jongdae whistled lowly and raised an eyebrow. “The crush you’re not over yet.”

“Stop talking to Baekhyun. He’ll infect you with dumbassery.” He could only handle one Baekhyun. He didn’t need a Baekhyun infused Jongdae.

“He’s my partner in the songwriting class. I told you about it yesterday. Were you even listening to me? I swear, I don’t know what goes on in that pretty little head of yours half of the time.”

“It doesn’t mean you have to talk to him.”

“Only you would ever do that, Kyungsoo-yah.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and opted for the silent route again. It might work this time.

Jongdae was unbothered by it. He leaned forward, a mischievous smile on his face. “So, this Junmyeon, does he like you?” Jongdae quirked an eyebrow and his smile widened at Kyungsoo’s blank face and continued silence. “Oh? Are you willing to play a game to find out?”

“No.” Kyungsoo had better things to do. Like eat spaghetti and make fun of his friends for doing stupid things. These were more useful ways to spend his time.

“I know you like to play games too. I’ve seen you. We would work well together, I think.” Jongdae’s smile was frighteningly similar to the Cheshire Cat’s smile.

“I don’t play well with others.”

“I could teach you.” Jongdae swiped his tongue over his lips clumsily and shot him a lazy wink.

“This is why you’re single. You drive everyone away with your grossness.” Kyungsoo observed coolly. He took a sip from his fizzy drink as Jongdae sputtered.

“Kyungsoo-yah! That’s so mean! Are you mean to everyone or is it just me?” He whined loudly. People’s heads were starting to turn towards their table.

This was why Kyungsoo preferred take out. This was why Kyungsoo always travelled alone, like a lone wolf.

“Ky-Kyungsoo? Is that you?”

He froze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think of the chapter and your theories on what might happen next :)  
> \- i spend a lot of my time on [twitter](https://twitter.com/dksxpcy) (pls be my friend)  
> \- today marks the day that i first got into exo exactly a year ago. thanks to my dear friend who introduced me!  
> \- stream [wolf](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAal8xHfV0c)  
> \- enjoy [young & free](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfbRLbMuGSs) support my bb xiumin and his bb mark thnx


	4. drowning in air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon makes an appearance and Jongdae causes mischief which gets Kyungsoo into trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, couple of notes:  
> \- thank you for reading n supporting!  
> \- the past 4 chapters have occurred in the span of 2 days (crazy, right?)  
> \- Previously: Kyungsoo brooded over his high school years, namely Baekhyun’s self-diagnosed depression and his horrible crush on Junmyeon. Once he was all done being angsty, Jongdae took him out to eat at a spaghetti restaurant, and that is where we are picking up.  
> \- WARNING: minor panic attack at the end!! you're not missing anything major, but if you want the summary of it, comment/msg me  
> \- please stay safe n enjoy, exo-ls <3

Squeezing his eyes shut didn’t make his problems go away, nor did clicking his heels. Wishing and praying to whatever higher being was up in the galaxy didn’t do anything either.

Alas, the galaxy higher being decided to shit on Kyungsoo’s doorstep by planning a run-in with Junmyeon. There was really no need to explain why this was horrible in every way, shape, and form. After strategically avoiding him in high school, there was no way Kyungsoo was going to give in now. He would have to plan his escape carefully so that nothing would go wrong.

“Oh, hello!” No one was safe from Jongdae. Even when he was threatened with mild violence. “Are you a friend of Kyungsoo’s? I didn’t know he had any friends besides me and Baekhyun.”

“Friends wouldn’t do this to me,” Kyungsoo mumbled, keeping his eyes trained on the table.

“Uh, we went to the, um, same high school.” Junmyeon squirmed.

“How lovely.” Jongdae leaned forward with a mischievous grin on his face. “Can you tell me about Soo’s love life? He never tells me anything.”

“I can’t sa-are you dating?”

“Can’t believe this angry midget would date me, a gorgeous happy guy, huh?” One day soon Kyungsoo would show Jongdae the true meaning of anger. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Getting food.”

“No wonder Kyungsoo likes you,” Jongdae muttered under his breath and rolled his eyes.

Kyungsoo felt around under the table until he felt Jongdae’s foot. Using this as a guide, he carefully aimed at Jongdae’s shin to make the most painful impact he could.

Jongdae’s leg shot up and his knee hit the table, shaking the glass cups set on it. “Ouch! What the fuck?”

“Accident.”

“Liar.” He huffed while turning back to Junmyeon who was watching the exchange with a frown. “Besides getting food, give me the dets, Junmyeon-hyung! Can I call you hyung?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Junmyeon carded a hand through his hair.

It looked soft and fluffy. He seemed like the type to use strawberry scented bath products.

“I’m bringing some takeout to my friend’s studio. He never takes care of himself when he’s doing his music stuff. It gets worse when he’s inspired or has an assignment to finish. Or both like this time. He gets so intense about it, you know?”

Jongdae side-eyed Kyungsoo, “Yeah. I know.”

“Chanyeol-ah has a composition due soon so he’s actually stressing _stressing_. It’s living nightmare.” Junmyeon let out an abrupt, off-put laugh. “We all have to cycle through and make sure he won’t die. His mother would kill us.”

Chanyeol. Kyungsoo knew a Chanyeol. He knew a Chanyeol who made music and had a music project due soon with a Yixing.

What a coincidence!

“I should probably check on the status of the food. I don’t think Park Chanyeol will last much longer. I’ll see you guys later, Jongdae. Kyungsoo.” Junmyeon gave a short wave and sped walked to the front of the restaurant.

Not a coincidence.

Who even says their friend’s last name in a conversation like that? All the times that Kyungsoo had done the same with Baekhyun didn’t count. It wasn’t the same at all.

“Bye, hyung!” Jongdae waved happily.

Silence fell over the table. The dim lighting did nothing to dampen the sparkle in Jongdae’s eyes. He looked content with himself. He had dragged Kyungsoo into a situation he didn’t want to be part of and he looked like an angel under this lighting. Kyungsoo personally believed that having good-looking friends while being average was a talent.

Turning his thoughts to his current situation, Kyungsoo felt his anxiety flutter in the pit of his stomach. Would Junmyeon mention seeing him to Chanyeol? Was Chanyeol going to react badly? How was he going to explain the situation to him without seeming like a complete creep and _oh god_ , _why did he even care what Chanyeol thought?_

“He knows Chanyeol.”

“Yup. Oh hey look, our food!”

“I’m going to die.”

“Don’t say that.” Jongdae nodded and smiled toward the waitress. “Thank you, miss.”

“Tell Baekhyun that he can’t have any of my stuff. It’s all going to Minseok-hyung.”

“Does Minseok-hyung know about your butt plugs.”

Kyungsoo tilted his head downwards and squinted his eyes at Jongdae.

“The least you could do is react.”

“One, I don’t have a collection. Two, even if I did, I wouldn’t give it to Minseok-hyung. He probably has enough of them.” Jongdae choked on his drink. “Three, I’d give it to you.”

Jongdae’s face turned an unusual shade of red. How interesting. He cleared his throat and asked, “Chanyeol?”

The more Kyungsoo thought about it, the less inclined he was to discuss it. Either way he would overthink everything because that was his number one talent (overthinking first, then being average).

“What’s so bad about Junmyeon knowing Chanyeol?” asked Jongdae. His brow furrowed down at his plate.

“I don’t want them to know each other.”

“Because you have feelings for the both of them.”

He ignored the statement. If Jongdae wanted to know the answer than he should’ve asked a question. “Why does life suck?”

Jongdae swirled spaghetti around his fork and lifted it, one hand hovering below it. “Say ah, Soo-yah.”

For once, Kyungsoo obliged (with a pout). “Ahh. Mm.”

Chewing sulkily, Kyungsoo made a point not to look up at Jongdae because there would certainly be a stupid smile on his face. He smiled too much for living in such a cruel world.

Meeting Junmyeon, by chance, had to be some sort of sign. Kyungsoo just wasn’t sure what it could mean.

They left not too long after, Jongdae claiming that he was on a diet and couldn’t eat too much pasta with a good conscience. Kyungsoo merely murmured that he wasn’t that hungry when he noticed Jongdae glancing at his barely eaten meal.

The way back to the dorm was spent in contemplative silence for Kyungsoo.

 _There was no way Junmyeon would tell Chanyeol anything, right?_ Kyungsoo thought. _Did Chanyeol tell Junmyeon about Kyungsoo?_ He had no reason to, of course. They weren’t dating or anything. They had met twice now, so Chanyeol had no obligation to tell anyone about Kyungsoo.

While these questions haunted Kyungsoo, Jongdae carefully steered him back to their dorm with a hand on his shoulder and the other on his elbow.

It was rare to witness a person like Kyungsoo get lost in his head so easily. He was always so analytical and observant when it came to reading atmospheres and people that he rarely had to stop and just think.

As Jongdae was unlocking their door Kyungsoo asked, “Do you want to put on a movie?”

“Sure. Are you going to bullet journal during it? I know that you like to have something on in the background while you schedule.”

“Mm,” Kyungsoo confirmed.

 

And so they found themselves sitting on Jongdae’s bed with their backs to the wall and the blankets pulled up to their waists. Jongdae’s laptop was balanced on his knees for their easy viewing. His eyes were trained on the screen. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo was half-focused on his journal and half-focused on the movie they had decided to watch. They as in Jongdae.

Kyungsoo’s phone lit up to his right.

 **hyunnie** : Are you dating Jongdae?  
**Dyo.KS** : No.

Jongdae elbowed him swiftly. “Who’s texting you and why are you replying? We’re having roommate bonding time right now.”

“Baekhyun the dumbass.”

The screen brightened again.

**hyunnie sent an image**

**hyunnie** : then what is this?  
**Dyo.KS** : Jongdae and me eating at a restaurant.  
**hyunnie** : on a date?????  
**Dyo.KS** : I threatened him to take me to eat spaghetti because he fell asleep on top of me.

“Why is he texting you anyways? Doesn’t he have anything better to do on a Sunday evening?”

“You mean watch a lame ass movie with his roommate?”

“Shut up, cactus.”

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow in time for Jongdae to see.

“You’re prickly.”

Honestly, Kyungsoo wasn’t sure why he didn’t resort to physical violence with Jongdae more often. He could knock a few brain cells _into_ his brain with a headlock instead of killing any at this point.

He turned back to the texts instead of acknowledging Jongdae’s poor excuse of an insult. For god’s sake, he knew he was “prickly.” It was a perfectly good method of keeping people away unless they were stupid like Baekhyun and Jongdae.

 **hyunnie** : ...did you sleep with him?  
**Dyo.KS** : No. That’s a dumb question. We’re roommates.  
**hyunnie** : So why was he asleep,,, on top of you,,,  
**Dyo.KS** : “cuddles”  
**hyunnie** : um  
**hyunnie** : wtf  
**hyunnie** : you don’t give me cuddles  
**Dyo.KS** : explain yesterday  
**hyunnie** : whAT IS A ????YESTERDAY¿¿  
**hyunnie** : back on topic tho  
**hyunnie** : like,,,y were you eating w JOngdae?  
**Dyo.KS** : oh mh god seriously

If Baekhyun showed up dead in the campus lake, no one would be able to pin it on the grieving best friend.

 **Dyo.KS** : we’re not dating u fucking walnut  
**hyunnie** : omg i believe u  
**hyunnie** : /god/  
**Dyo.KS** : ur so dimwitted i hate u  
**hyunnie** :chill bro  
**hyunnie** : i was asking cuz chanyeol said that u were dating jongdae  
**hyunnie** : n then he sent me that picture  
**Dyo.KS** : he knows Junmyeon-hyung  
**hyunnie** : lol wht a small world  
**hyunnie** : but what does this have to do w anything  
**Dyo.KS** : Junmyeon-hyung recognized me, and Jongdae decided to butt in  
**Dyo.KS** : =.=  
**hyunnie** : oh god pls dont tell me  
**hyunnie** : this is such a cliche o god  
**hyunnie** : pls y is ur life like this  
**Dyo.KS** : one day i will murder you  
**hyunnie** : I CNAT BELUEVE JONGDAEE DID THAT IMALKSDJF LMAO  
**Dyo.KS** : i hate all of my friends  
**hyunnie** : omg we’re friends? 

Kyungsoo left him on read for thirty minutes.

 **hyunnie** : you’re a fucking dumbass  
**Dyo.KS** : what  
**hyunnie** : chanyeol thinks you’re dating jongdae  
**Dyo.KS** : we already covered this  
**hyunnie** : oh my god take ur head out of your ass for a sec  
**Dyo.KS** : …  
**hyunnie** : seriously, do kyungsoo. you better not decide to be a teaspoon right now  
**Dyo.KS** : i’m not  
**hyunnie** : have you told chanyeol that you’re single yet?  
**Dyo.KS** : it’s not a big deal

**[Call from hyunnie]**

Hesitating, Kyungsoo’s fingers twitched to decline the call.

“You should pick that up.” Jongdae said with a warning tone. “You’ll be in trouble if you don’t.”

“Were you reading that conversation?” asked Kyungsoo, scandalized. There was no privacy nowadays.

“Yeah and I agree with Baekhyun.”

“What the fuck? Why are you picking his side? Actually, no, you don’t get an opinion because you got me into this mess.”

Jongdae tsked when he saw the call end. “Better pick up the next time he calls.”

 **hyunnie** : You better pick up fuck face

**[Call from hyunnie]**

Kyungsoo picked up, “Hello?”

“I never thought I would say this to you of all people, but you are literally the dumbest person in the world. I _teased you_ about Chanyeol liking you. Do you need any more of a hint?” Baekhyun released an exhausted sigh.

“He doesn’t like me.”

“Oh my fucking god. Kyungsoo, I’m saying this as your best friend, you seriously need to get over your Junmyeon issues or else you’re going to be a hermit for the rest of your life and your cats will eat your guts when you die in two years, all alone in the apartment above a shitty pizza place. God, why couldn’t you get an apartment above a better pizza place?”

“What? I don’t live in an ap-”

“That’s not the point and you know it. Get your head out of your ass and face your feelings. I don’t care if you like _like_ Chanyeol or not. You need to set this straight either way. And if you don’t like him, tell him instead of stringing him around like a little puppy.”

“I’m not that cruel.”

“Good. I expect to see you after class tomorrow. We’ll discuss your emotions then.”

“You’re not my therapist.”

“Fuck you, teaspoon.”

**[Call ended, 00:01:14]**

Kyungsoo let his phone fall out of his hand and onto his journal’s delicate pages, crinkling and folding them over in an ugly way. He wanted to throw it against the wall for making such a mess, but it was his own fault. Everything was his fault. If he had stayed home, things would’ve been different. The scenarios played out in his head, mocking him for being life’s obedient little puppet.

A hand caught his own when his was moving towards his mouth; he was a nail biter. His eyes caught Jongdae’s momentarily before Kyungsoo’s darted away to stare at his journal again.

“Soo-yah, stop overthinking. It’s not a big deal. Let Baekhyun worry about everything, he’ll be okay worrying by himself.”

“I’m not worried.”

“Sure,” Jongdae replied easily. “All you need to do is tell Chanyeol that you were roped into it by me. Slander my name and reputation if you have to but don’t let this boy go. From what I hear, he actually likes you. Unlike Jun-daddy.”

Kyungsoo hid his face in Jongdae’s neck and released a low groan. “What if I like Jun-daddy?”

“You don’t, Soo-yah.” Jongdae petted his hair softly. “There’s nothing in common between the two of you, and we both know that would drive you insane. He wouldn’t be able to handle your quiet tendencies either, by the looks of it.”

“Can anyone handle me?”

“Stop being melodramatic. I think you should give Chanyeol a chance. Baekhyun says you guys would look cute together. Actually, ask Hyunnie to take you to Chanyeol’s studio or something so you can explain the whole us fake dating.”

Neither Jongdae nor Kyungsoo spoke for the rest of the movie; Jongdae out of respect and Kyungsoo out of the nervousness bubbling up in his stomach.

He understood that he would have to explain to Chanyeol, but before that he would have to talk to Baekhyun and clarify everything, including that he wanted to meet Chanyeol without Baekhyun around. Thinking about being alone with Chanyeol added onto the disaster in his brain.

How could he talk to someone he barely knew? Kyungsoo would be a stuttering mess and probably end up making the situation even worse. Chanyeol would get angry at Kyungsoo for wasting his time with his stupidity.

However, before he can get rejected, he would have to explain everything to Baekhyun. Tomorrow he only had classes until the afternoon with nothing to keep him occupied in the evening. Baekhyun’s final class was at 4 p.m. which would leave Kyungsoo alone for hours.

Kyungsoo felt an uncomfortable weight pressing down on his chest.

 _Oh god_ , he thought. _Not this._

The time would crawl by like a turtle with no place to be. He would have to wait for hours by himself, imagining various scenarios each becoming worse and worse.

Baekhyun would end up hating him for being emotionally stunted and always causing problems. Jongdae would kick him out of their dorm room because he couldn’t fix anything and for upsetting Baekhyun. Minseok would be disappointed in him. Sehun and Jongin would stop asking him for help with math homework and wouldn’t invite him out for bubble tea ever again.

A lump formed in his throat. He swallowed as discreetly as he could.

Kyungsoo was conscious of his breathing, of how difficult it was to breathe in and out, in and out, in and out. It was too fast and too little. Why was his body doing this to him? Kyungsoo had done everything right. He was taking care of himself now. He was keeping his grades up now. He was doing everything right like all the others had told him to do. He was following all of the rules this time. No cheating.

Nothing made sense other than the fact that he was going to die right there. Kyungsoo was sure he was going to die. His mind was racing but there were no thoughts jumping out at him. It moved quickly, slowly, the speed changing rapidly, gradually. He didn’t understand the jumbled mess of sentences, words, pictures in his mind. It was a whirlpool, sucking him downwards into a dark abyss.  

He would drown.

His eyes burned.

And if he didn’t die then Kyungsoo would be left with no friends, no loved ones. He would be a lonely old man. Alone. Forever. Until he died.

Everything became a haze. His thoughts and actions blurred into one or the other. It didn’t make any sense. He wanted to yell out to Jongdae, to grab his attention. He wanted to break out of his quiet barrier and scream for help.

Couldn’t anyone see that he was drowning in the air around him?

There was nothing left to control. He would die. He was going to die as the old man that Baekhyun predicted. Grumpy and unlikeable. Kyungsoo was going to die lonely even with Jongdae pressed up against him.

Desperation clawed up his throat but exhaustion batted it away. He could make it end so easily by stopping. His body would fail quietly with no one the wiser. Not Jongdae. Not Baekhyun. Not Minseok. Not Chanyeol.

“Jongdae,” He managed to croak out. His tears fell onto Jongdae’s neck. He was pathetic, not man enough.

“Breathe, Soo-yah.” whispered Jongdae with a finger pressed against Kyungsoo’s thin wrist. “I’m going to touch your back, okay?”

“Mm.”

He took in a ragged breath as Jongdae’s hand traced circles on him.

 _Breathe_ , he reminded himself. _It will be okay_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying w angst/anxiety/mental stuff but i dunno if it's working. also, if there are any mistakes pls let me know  
> \- [twitter](https://twitter.com/dksxpcy)  
> \- thank you for reading! kudos n comments are greatly appreciated :)


	5. screaming kyungsoos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah...kyungsoo's pretty sure he has a crush on chanyeol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm back. it's been like idk 3 weeks. i ran into a bit of a writer's block ^^;  
> -this was supposed to be 5 pgs but turned into 8 so rip editing me (u suck writing me)  
> -i just finished editing this (rip) and im running on three hours of proper sleep (double rip) so pls excuse any major typos n let me know when you find any!!  
> -minor warning of kyungsoo thinking dirty things n a very VERY minor mention of blood  
> -previously: jongdae met junmyeon for the 1st time. he figured that soo liked pcy more so he told him to leave jun-daddy be. baek got mad at soo for (maybe) giving pcy false hope that they might become a thing. soo has a panic attack from all the pressure :/  
> -ah ah before i forget, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT I LOVE YOU GUYS <3

“My hands get sweaty when I think about Chanyeol.”

“That’s probably your version of a crush or at least the symptoms of one, ya weirdo.” Baekhyun flicked a paper ball at Kyungsoo and waggled his tongue playfully.

He was too tired to raise a fist threateningly at Baekhyun for having the audacity of claiming that he had emotions of any kind. Kyungsoo had a reputation to uphold. (He was unaware that everyone thought he was a handsome, yet cutely squishy boy.)

His eyes wandered the library in search of something interesting to focus on instead of being a) bored and b) annoyed at Baekhyun. A poster pasted on the wall across from their table caught his attention. The brightly colored poster displayed an idol pretending to enjoy a drink that looked like it contained the sugar contents of four liters of Pepero biscuit icing. Kyungsoo internally winced for the unfortunate idol; the poor guy probably had no life because of a busy schedule.

Meanwhile, Kyungsoo was doing a whole bunch of nothing. According to Baekhyun, they were being “lame ass nerds” for hanging out at the library during their free time.

(As a (twisted and hurtful) way to prove his point, Baekhyun mentioned all the mistakes he’d picked up on while reading Kyungsoo’s film script based on two biologists and their love for each other, ironically enough.

“Kyungsoo, this stuff is all basic knowledge. How are you this dumb?”

“Shut the fuck up before I beat you with my bare hands.”

“Go back to kindergarten.”)

For once there weren’t any dongsaengs interrupting them for help or inviting them to eat food some place, most likely a fried chicken joint since Jongin and Sehun were attached at the hip and whatever Nini wanted, Nini got. JonginandSehun were nowhere to be found when Kyungsoo actually had free time.

The longer he did nothing, the more lazy he got. It thrummed throughout his body, settling heavily in his brain. It made every activity and action seem boring and pointless. He was bordering on sluggish in his movement; he could have fallen asleep at the table and no one would’ve seen the difference.

The most that he’d done was doodle Chanyeol’s stupid, cute face in a blank page of his journal. That stupid, cute face had been on his mind for the past week. It was driving him nuts.

The second action that had taken up a lot of his virtually nonexistent energy was writing Chanyeol’s name over and over again as a background for the portrait he’d done of his cute, kind face. Kyungsoo contemplated adding hearts on either side of his name. It’d look prettier.

Thinking about Chanyeol’s face was his way of avoiding the bigger picture: the fake dating situation. A week without speaking to Chanyeol about what Junmyeon had seen worked against Kyungsoo’s favor. He would have explained sooner but he was scared. It was the fear of the other consequences that scared him into silence. This fear of being rejected drove him to hide in the metaphorical closet. Something he hadn’t done in years. Figuratively and literally.

A sound coming from across the table distracted Kyungsoo.

“What are you doing to my phone?”

Baekhyun was rubbing the back of Kyungsoo’s cell phone diligently. Kyungsoo didn’t see a logical explanation to his best friend’s behavior.

“I’m putting cute bunny stickers on it!” Baekhyun grinned at him and flashed him a quick glance of the pink smiling bunnies.

“Alright but they’re probably going to rub off from my nervous sweat.”

Baekhyun made a noise of disgust but continued to paste on more stickers, covering every inch of the back of his phone. He hummed softly while he occupied himself. Kyungsoo took that time to finish off his drawing of Chanyeol. He looked up to find Baekhyun messing around on his phone. Before he could ask what he was doing, Baekhyun stared directly at him with a smile on his face and lifted his phone up to show off the stickers.

“So!” Baekhyun started, dragging the word out in a sing-songy way. “What exactly did you want to say to Chanyeol? I know that it’s been bugging you all this week. Wait before you answer that, can I play some games on here?”

“Yeah yeah sure. You know the passcode, right?” At Baekhyun’s affirmative hum, Kyungsoo gave his answer. “I dunno what I want to say exactly, but I do want to apologize to him. Maybe mention that I’m kind of into him. I need a chance to explain Jongdae the Dumbass to him.”

While Kyungsoo was speaking, Baekhyun’s fingers were rapidly tapping the screen. Kyungsoo couldn’t quite tell whether he was playing a typing game or a clicking game.

“Are you playing a word game?” asked Kyungsoo. He switched over to another drawing of Chanyeol. This time he would draw him with music notes floating around his head.

“Ew, gross. Why would I want to torture myself like that?” Baekhyun’s nose scrunched up in distaste.

_Ding!_

Baekhyun gained a smug smirk at the notification sound.

“What are you doing on my phone, Hyunnie?” Kyungsoo tilted his head in a faux innocent style. His fingers twitched to hurt the offending person.

“I sent Chanyeol a text.”

“With my phone?”

“Yup!” He looked too happy about that.

“What did you say? What did _he_ say?”

“Everything you said!” replied Baekhyun cheerfully. “He hasn’t re-oh, wait!”

“What? What?” Kyungsoo wanted to rip the phone out of Baekhyun’s mischievous fingers, except he’d rather not have that kind of control in _his_ hands.

“He’s replying!” The delight in his voice sent chills down Kyungsoo’s spine. He was friends with a demon. Or the devil. Only a demon (devil) would be elated when Kyungsoo was on the edge of throwing himself off of the library’s roof just so the anticipation would end. “Stop being melodramatic. I can tell from the look on your pretty-ugly face.”

“I’m not being melodramatic. Get out of my head, Byun. You don’t belong there.” Kyungsoo received a careless wave in return.

Baekhyun’s eyes fluttered as he sighed out, “God. This guy is so sweet.”

“Tell me what he said before I stop asking nicely.” said Kyungsoo threateningly. He widened his eyes for effect.

Unperturbed, Baekhyun wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Do I have your blessing to date him then?”

“Back off.” He added as an afterthought, “And stop being disgusting.”

To combat the idiotic behavior Kyungsoo reached across the table and pinched Baekhyun’s arm. He snatched his phone out of the other’s hands when he yelped and reached to soothe his bruising skin.

Kyungsoo trained himself to put enough strength into his pinches to cause bruises. Not anyone could cause a bruise from a mere pinch.

“What the fuck, Kyungsoo!” It didn’t sound like a question.

“You should know better by now,” he muttered distractedly while he scrolled through his texts.

**Dyo.KS** : hi! are you busy? I’m alone at the library and everyone’s busy :(  
**Dyo.KS** : hyunnie gave me ur phone # btw  
**Dyo.KS** : what a great guy rite??!!!!  
**yeollie** : haha yeah! he’s the best roommate i’ve had  
**yeollie** : i’ll be there in five?  
**Dyo.KS:** okay see you then ;)

“What the fuck, Baekhyun? I don’t text like that.”

“Bite me. My work here is done so I’ll be on my way. See you later tonight, Soo~!” With a quick wiggle of his fingers and a saucy wink, Baekhyun was packed up and walking away from what would have been his murder scene.

Kyungsoo realized that when Baekhyun walked out of the front doors, the waiting game had begun. The game that had any person predisposed to shot nerves pacing up and down up and down up and down, biting on their nails, chewing on their lips, cracking their knuckles, jiggling their legs against the table, and so on. Personally, Kyungsoo was a nail biter. He bit those suckers down until there was blood oozing out.

How could anyone sit still for so long? Wasn’t there a law or something against someone taking five minutes to walk to the library? Hell, bikes were invented for a reason.

_I am going to make Baekhyun suffer for the rest of his life,_ Kyungsoo silently vowed.

Time ticked away second by second. The rustle of papers slowed down time by a million more seconds. Each tap of a pencil and rub of an eraser rewound it. It moved by the nanosecond, holding Kyungsoo down like a captive, mercilessly building up the nail biting and the nervous beat of his heart.

Doo-geun _doo-geun_ , doo-geun _doo-geun_ , doo-geun _doo-geun,_ doo-geun doo-geun _doo-geun_. It wasn’t his imagination that his heartbeat was going faster and faster while everything else went slower and slower and slower, crawling to a painful halt.

And when Chanyeol finally peeked around the corner of a bookshelf, Kyungsoo released a breath of relief. Thank fuc-

“Aigo,” Kyungsoo whispered and his cheeks burned red. His hands flew to cover his cheeks.

_He’s cute._

Another step and he was there, in all of his giant glory, prompting sirens in Kyungsoo’s flustered brain to go off because _oh look! Cute tall boy is back_ and Kyungsoo desperately wanted to do cute couple things with him, to hell with the consequences.

Those consequences being Baekhyun bragging about being right. Baekhyun could eat a cucumber, for all Kyungsoo cared. (Not suck a dick because he would probably enjoy that, if Kyungsoo wanted to be grossly honest with himself.)

“I heard you and Jongdae are dating.”

Kyungsoo pretended to laugh, too unnerved to say anything for a few seconds. When he had managed to grasp the seemingly correct words he replied, “And you...you believed that?”

“Well, yeah...Junmyeon hyung doesn’t lie to me.” Chanyeol pouted, his bottom lip jutting out in an oddly seductive way.

Nope nope, wrong words to say. The no symbol bounced around in his brain. He could almost hear the mini Kyungsoos screaming in there.

Being attracted to someone made Kyungsoo weird.

“We’re not dating.”

“Ah,” he said slowly. He turned away, rubbing the back of his neck. His ears were turning a light shade of pink. Embarrassment.

Kyungsoo hurried to fix his mistake. “It-it was a stupid joke that Jongdae thought would be funny.”

“Was it?”

“Wha-what?” Kyungsoo pressed the back of his hands against his warm cheeks and his neck to cool himself down. Feeling the moistness of his palms made him squirm in his seat. He was about ready to throw himself off a cliff.

“Funny. You said Jongdae thought it would be funny. You’re weird, Soo-yah,” Chanyeol chuckled brightly, his previous mood banished in an instant.

How could laughs even be gorgeously warm? And oh god, did Kyungsoo’s heart flutter a little at the “Soo-yah.” That was more than okay.

He moved his left hand down to his heart from his warm cheek to keep his heart from flopping right out onto the table like a fish out of water.

“No.” Kyungsoo started, blushing from the laughing and smiling directed his way. Chanyeol was so... _soft_. “No, it wasn’t really that funny. He kind of messed things up for me. Maybe. I don’t know yet.”

“Yet?”

The curiosity that pulsed throughout his whole body to see, to feel, to experience what it would be like to be in a relationship with Chanyeol beat out any other emotion; the anxiety was pushed down and away from the surface. Kyungsoo wanted to let his impulsivity take control of his actions. No stupid ideas, right?

Or was it no stupid questions?

The pure, strong impulse that was coursing through him forced him to blurt out, “Do you want to go out? On a date?”

Chanyeol was caught by surprise if his bug eyed expression and gaping mouth had anything to say. “Oh, uh, yeah! Wh-when?”

“Now? Or did you have something to do?” He was actually doing this. What a surprising turn of events.

“Yes! Please!” Chanyeol’s soft, large hand gently grabbed Kyungsoo’s and laced their fingers together.

Okay. Holding hands was okay. More than okay, in fact, better than okay by a long shot. Kyungsoo was thirty-five percent sure his face was doing a weird thing now.

“Where do you want to go?”

“In the spirit of being a poor college student, McDonald’s sounds good.”

They left in a flurry of limbs and backpacks with their hands swinging between them.

Not.

Instead of all that, Kyungsoo asked:

“Do...do you want to start studying now?”

To which Chanyeol replied: “Yeah! This is gonna be so much fun!”

In Chanyeol’s defense, studying with Kyungsoo was fun. He had gel pens and a _giant multi-colored highlighter_. But his gel pens didn’t matter, not really, because Chanyeol was smiling at him again. He held the image of a happy puppy, grinning down at him. Kyungsoo was sure that he had a tail wagging excitedly behind him and ears perking up when he’d asked.

God, Kyungsoo was ready to suffocate himself with Baekhyun’s corgi plushie for being a coward. He had the perfect opportunity to ask Chanyeol out. Kyungsoo’s death would probably improve his chances of getting a date, knowing him.

“Kyungsoo? Hello? Anyone in there?” Chanyeol snapped his fingers in front of Kyungsoo’s face, causing him to jerk back and blink owl-eyed at him.

_Wow, long fingers._ More screaming Kyungsoos. _No, no. Bad, Kyungsoo. Focus! Focus!_

Another owl-eyed blink. “What?”

“I asked if you could help me with English. Baekhyun said you barely had an accent and you can say Cinderella!” The syllables and sounds collided together as Chanyeol said Cinderella. It was undeniably cute, as was his smile. It expressed a warmth that filled Kyungsoo’s heart to the brim. It was a warmth that couldn’t be described. It could make anyone believe in love, not just any love, but a love that could transform Earth into Heaven; a love that convinced people soul mates were real and out there patiently waiting for them.

“Ye-” Kyungsoo’s voice cracked. He coughed to cover it up and continued softer that before, “Yeah, do you have your workbook?”

The flash of teeth with Chanyeol’s quick smile before he was digging around in his bag and rambling about being disorganized was all it took for Kyungsoo’s thoughts to take a drastic turn. because holy _fuck,_ Chanyeol’s mouth was perfect. Kyungsoo’s mind wandered to more _interesting_ things: Chanyeol’s mouth on his mouth, Chanyeol pulling away to make his way down to nibble on Kyungsoo’s jaw and leave a trail of purpling bruises down to his collarbone, licking stripes down to his nipples and pausing to suck and blow on them. Kyungsoo imagined himself gasping, fists curling into the sheets, bucking up for relief. Chanyeol’d press heated open mouthed kisses down down _down_ his stomach to his- _oh_ _fuck_ , this motherfucker was hiding a _dimple_.

Cue more screaming Kyungsoos.

What if, _what if_ Chanyeol had back dimples? Back _dimples_.

“Nice dimple,” mumbled Kyungsoo with his eyes still trained on Chanyeol’s mouth.

  
Two discoveries were made that fateful day: one being that Kyungsoo wanted to kiss one Park Chanyeol, the second being that Kyungsoo wanted Chanyeol to Fuck. Him. Up. _Badly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mm what a great chapter @ me  
> -here's my NEW and IMPROVEd [twitter](https://twitter.com/dksxpcy)!! i made it specially for twit fics ur welcome u can read more of my garbagey-o writing saranghaeyo~  
> -i got a sesoo in the works, i'll keep u people updated on that on twitter^^ do u see where this is going  
> -but in all honesty, i hope you enjoyed. kudos and comments and bookmarks and following my twitter would make me really really really really happy (jk abt twitter *side eye emoji)


	6. chanyeol finally makes some progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahh super short chapter in which chanyeollie makes some progress with our beloved bb kyungsoo

“Why did you bring me to this godforsaken place?”

“It isn’t godforsaken, Soo, it’s a safe haven for all.”

“Is it?”

“Shut up,” Chanyeol replied with a quick punch to Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “I brought you here to show you the couch.”

Chanyeol moved out of Kyungsoo’s range when he saw Kyungsoo’s hand twitch.

“Do you mean the fire hazard?”

“Kyungsoo-yah! Don’t be such a pessimist.”

“I am optimistic.” Kyungsoo paused and flashed a smirk at Chanyeol. He swore his heart stopped for the full three seconds Kyungsoo smirked at him. “I’m absolutely positive that Baekhyun and you will catch on fire because of this couch.”

“Hyunnie got it for you. When he saw it at the curb, he begged Luhan to pick it up for us. Luhan’s the only person we know who can get access to a car from campus security since he’s an RA and all.”

Kyungsoo took a hesitant step forward, all the while staring the couch down. Slowly but surely, his feet took him to that ratty old couch. Damn Baekhyun for being considerate and shame to himself for being so sentimental.

“I suppose I can appreciate it if Hyunnie picked it up for me.”

“You know, he mentioned something about you loving vintage or something.”

Kyungsoo beamed at Chanyeol, “Yeah, something like that. I’m happy he remembers.”

“Don’t you think it’s odd that I only know things about you because of Baekhyun?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well...I feel like we haven’t really gotten the chance to get to know each other.”

“Ah, I see what you mean.” Kyungsoo nibbled on his bottom lip pensively with a troubled look on his face. Chanyeol wanted to step into his personal bubble and rub his forehead wrinkles away.

“How about..do you maybe want to,” Chanyeol wavered. “Do you want to maybe go on a date with me?”

Kyungsoo’s owl eyes were mesmerizing. “Date?”

“Yes, yeah, me, you, date. You date me. Let’s go on a date. Together.”

“You?” 

“You don’t have to decide now! Or ever! Well, actually, I would like it better if you let me down soo-“

“Oh my god, this is torture.” Chanyeol jumped a foot into the air at the sound of Baekhyun’s muffled voice. Fuck, he thought as he pressed a hand to his heart. Baekhyun should know that he scares easily.

“Byun Baekhyun, what are you doing here?” The light blush on Kyungsoo’s face had darkened. He looked good with flushed cheeks.

“I live here, Soo. What are you doing here?”

“Um. Chanyeol invited me here so we could study.”

“Right. So you gonna say yes or what?”

“Yes?” Kyungsoo blinked.

“Yes?” Chanyeol asked, shocked.

“Yes!” Baekhyun shouted affirmatively for Kyungsoo. “Alright, now get out and have sex somewhere else.”

Chanyeol let out a nervous laugh as Kyungsoo clenched his fist and began to raise it at his roommate. What a strange way to show love to his best friend.

“What the fuck, Baekhyun? You know my policy on sex on the first date.” Kyungsoo cleared his throat and closed his eyes, composing himself. He turned to Chanyeol with a serious look on his face. “Saturday, movie and then a meal. You have my phone number, text me the movie and at what time. I prefer movies at night.”

Then, Kyungsoo swept out of the room with a small smile. Chanyeol’s heart jumped at the thought of that smile being because of him. That cute gummy smile was caused because Kyungsoo liked him, or at least Kyungsoo had decided to go on a date with him.

“Oh, Chanyeollie, you have a lot to learn before your date. You gotta impress the panties off of him and then fuck him sideways!”

Chanyeol groaned, the tips of his ears flushing. He would do anything for Kyungsoo. He just hoped that he would get a kiss for his efforts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- i love baeksoo almost as much as i love chansoo ngl  
> \- college kicked me in the butt n i didn’t have any time to do literally any writing or much reading for that matter :’(  
> \- i’m gonna try to write more over this winter break (while listening to universe on repeat) so i can post stuff during the next semester...so apologies for any typos/mistakes bc this was written very quickly  
> \- i have missed so much of exo’s activities i dunno what’s going on anymore rip - i caught up on most chansoo  
> \- anyone want to be my friend? I scream about exo @zestytexter and i write exo stuff and scream more about exo @dksxpcy (the second is mostly so i keep some kind of dignity with my irl friends)
> 
> happy new year let’s continue to love and support and protect our nine talented and amazing boys ⌒♡⌒


	7. barely coping,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's like suddenly satan appeared and made mental illness a thing in kyungsoo's life (super short chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, long time no write. i have no excuses other than college and being afraid to update this bc i didn't like where it was going - regret is for later, now is for enjoyment.
> 
> last time: kyungsoo said yes to chanyeol!!  
> now: kyungsoo has anxiety!! no pcy in this chapter sorry
> 
> warning: anxiety attack(?), low self-esteem / borderline self-loathing, didn't edit this

“Kyungsoo’s doing bad, Baekhyun. He’s not...coping well.”

“What happened?” 

“I think-I think it’s just all the pent of anxiety that he’s been carrying around. He’s seemed a little stressed lately, but I thought it was because of the end of term.”

“I’ll be right there.”

“We’ll be waiting.” A breath out. “Thank you, Baekhyun.”

“This is what best friends are for, right?” 

Jongdae thinks he sounds too tired for a usually carefree twenty year old.

 

**_Last Night_ **

 

12 a.m.

12 a.m. was not a good time to check grades. Checking grades at 12 a.m. was like telling Satan himself to consume your soul in the most painful way possible while he forced you to watch your existence fade away.

In other words, Kyungsoo did himself dirty when he checked his grades at 12 a.m. His carefully maintained grades had dropped. His GPA would follow it once the semester ended. There was no stopping it. There was no way he would be able to fix the mess he had created by slacking off. 

His eyes burned. The words on the screen blurred as tears began welling up in his eyes. Fuck fuck fuck.

One part of his mind tried to defend himself. He had slacked off because he wasn’t passionate about those particular classes. He had slacked off because he had chosen to pursue things he was actually passionate about like writing a script for an upcoming film project.

Kyungsoo resisted the tears. Maybe, maybe this was a prank. Maybe this was a lie. Maybe this was a mistake and Kyungsoo hadn’t dropped a letter grade in two of his classes.

And cue anxiety.

Anxiety played a role in his grades dropping a grade letter. How could professors expect him to be in the state of mind to always participate? To always answer questions? Always have something to contribute? Even with just two classes a day, he felt exhausted and completely drained.

Except, perhaps all of these “factors” were just excuses. Just ways for Kyungsoo to not be held accountable for his complete failure. 

Failure.

He choked back a sob. Jongdae was peacefully sleeping next to him. He couldn’t ugly sob with someone in the room. A sense of panic and desperation clawed its way up from Kyungsoo’s lungs to his throat. He felt a painful throbbing from his heart. Failure. He was a failure. He had wasted his time and his parents’ money. What was he even doing here?

What was a failure like him doing in college?

Hot, bitter, tears rolled down his cheeks. 

He was a failure. A tired, lonely, anxious failure.

He was tired. He was so, so tired of the world, of all the pressure.

Kyungsoo muffled his sobs into his pillow, allowing for the darkness and heavy thoughts to envelope him. 

Jongdae slept soundly. It wouldn’t be until morning that he would find Kyungsoo in ruins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [let's talk on twitter?](https://twitter.com/zestytexter)
> 
>  
> 
> stay safe out there kiddos


End file.
